“I can’t believe she told me that!” my mom said to me with tears in her eyes. With a deep breath my mother told me words I will never forget.

“Maryanne called me; Madeline passed away last night Gracie.”

My world stopped for a second, my mom had to be lying there was no way my sister passed away. My mom hugged me and told me she was sorry again. I went outside and sat on the porch. It was a chilly March day but the chill of the air calmed me as the steaming tears flowed down my face.

Later that day my mom and I sat on my bed in silence; we didn’t need words. Our presence was enough to soothe each other. I remember my mom grabbing my knee that day and looking me in the eyes as if to say “what do I do now Grace”. My mom was broken. I knew she was and frankley so was I.

A week later I was on a plane to my oldest sister’s funeral. My mom had her doughnuts with her; it was the only thing she would eat. I held my mom’s hand extra tight as the plane landed in Missouri. When we arrived my grandma was at the airport; arms outstretched for a hug.

A few days later we went to the funeral. Hug after hug after hug it was the same thing “I’m so sorry for your loss Grace”. Her friends with tears in their eyes sat in the chairs and smiled as stories were told of her smile, laugh and crazy ways.

After the funeral there was what my mom likes to call my sister’s final party. It was her friends and family. I needed to escape all of that for a while so I sat in my sister’s room. I finally felt as though she was with me again. A few minutes later my mom came in. She grabbed my knee, put her head on my shoulder and said words I will never forget “I love you Gracie and I can’t believe this happened either but we have each other”.