“So cute… but don’t come home with another dog!”

“Aww c’mon. But he’s so cute!”

“Absolutely not. I have enough living creatures to take care of, I am not taking care of another.”

“…But I’m the only other living being in the apartment.”

“Exactly. You’re enough of a handful.”

Generally, Chris would do anything to appease Edward, but dogs were where he drew the line. They poop on the floor, they’re loud, and they are constantly begging for attention. So, kind of like having another Edward in the house. One was enough.

“Fine. I won’t come home with another dog.”

Edward kept his promise, surprisingly. He did not come home with another dog, but he did come home with something else.

Four hours later, after a long day at the office, Chris boarded the subway and made his way home. To be honest, he hadn’t remembered his conversation with Edward at lunch. He was much more focused on getting home so he could relax a bit before dinner. No more demands, no more being yelled at, and no more looking after others.

You can imagine his surprise as he unlocked the apartment he shared with Edward, only to find it completely trashed. Chairs were overturned, lamps were knocked over, and– wait, what was that smell?

“Edward? What the hell is going on?” Chris yelled, only to get no response.

Sighing, he set down his briefcase and, keeping his shoes on, began to tread softly through the house. Did they get robbed? Was there someone in the house? Finally, he heard Edward speaking softly in the spare room, seemingly to another being.

“Alright. Alright,” he panted. “Finally, I have you cornered. Why don’t we just do this the easy way this time huh? It would be so much easier if you just came here–SHIT!”

Frantic movements came from the other room, and Chris, concerned for Edward, rushed toward the sound.

“Edward?! Are you ok? What’s going–WAAUUGHH!!” A large black being came zooming toward Chris’ face, subsequently hitting him and knocking him over.

“Chris? Chris! Oh my god I’m so sorry. This was an accident, I never meant for this to go as far as it did,” Edward said, helping Chris up.

“What. The hell. Was that?”

“…A crow.”

“Why the hell did you bring a crow into the apartment?!”

“You said we couldn’t get a dog, so I took a crow instead.”

“Isn’t that illegal?”

“It’s not! They’re free!”

“I can’t believe this,” Chris said. “We have to let him back outside. The landlord will evict us if he ever finds out about this.”

“You know what? I’m beginning to think you’re right,” Edward responded.

After about 45 minutes, they were able to open the window and get the crow out, but not without a lot of curse words being thrown at the bird.

Sitting, exhausted, on the chairs they had to turn back over, Chris said to Edward, “You know, we could get a fish. A nice big tank with some plants.”

“I think that’s a great idea. I’m glad we could come to a compromise.”