“I low-key want to thrift it this year.” I say to my friends as we stand outside Goodwill, freezing in the December cold. Christmas is in three days, and I still haven’t bought my parents anything. I don’t feel bad about it, I don’t care that much.
My mom is the hardest person to shop for. She’s the kind of person to measure love in receipts. Last year, she surprised me with a new car, parked neatly in the driveway, like winning a game show. Before that, it was an iPhone. Then, the expensive clothes I didn’t ask for but wore anyway. She always made sure to get the most costly items possible.
Inside Goodwill, it smells like dust and old perfume. All my friends scatter, digging through racks like they could win a prize at the end, while I head straight to the kitchen section. That’s when I see it; a heavy cast-iron pan. Scratched, worn, but solid. It looks like it has been used a great deal, maybe even loved.
My mom cooks all the time. She always complains about how “Nothing these days is made like it used to be!”
I bought the pan for $6.99.
On Christmas morning, she unwraps it slowly. The room goes quiet.
“A pan?” she says, holding it between her fingers. “You bought me a used pan?” Her eyes scan the room to see other people’s reactions. All she cares about is her image.
I try to joke it off. “It’s vintage. Better quality than new stuff.”
She laughs, but there’s no humor. Her voice rises fast and loud. She starts listing things like evidence in a murder trial.
“I buy you a new car, a new phone, up-to-date designer items, and this, this is what I get?”
My face is red. Everyone is watching. I want to explain that I thought it meant something more than just buying her something expensive. I decided to keep quiet.
I stare at the floor as she sets the pan aside like it’s rubbish.
Later, when the house is quiet, I pass through the kitchen. The pan is gone from the counter. I find it on the stove, heating up, oil shimmering inside.
She doesn’t look at me, but she doesn’t take it off the burner either.
Somehow, that feels like enough.